I am writing to you to
be honoured. By this, I do not mean it would be a privilege to hear from you
(which it would be), I simply mean I am looking to be given an OBE or MBE or
CBBC. Hell, if you’re feeling generous, I’d even go for a knighthood.
Bruce Forsyth’s got one
of those. What’s he done to deserve it – say a bunch of catchphrases and date a
Miss World? Pathetic. I’m much more worthy than he is – after all, I’ve spent
most of my life in Britain’s favourite soap, and brought the nation to tears
with my character’s frequent drinking, and troubled relationship with a speccy
son. Bringing drama to people week in and week out should be enough to warrant
me some of those little medals, surely? Honestly, it’s harder than it looks,
this acting lark, especially when you do it on such a regular basis.
Anyway, attached is a
recording of last week’s omnibus edition. I’ve got some good scenes in that; make
sure to check out the one in which I almost cry. Watch that and get back to me,
alright, darling?
Cheers,
Steve “Phil off Eastenders” McFadden
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